Yeah a topic of discontent recently was this – why can’t you be normal?
You know, that normal girl.
The normal girl who wakes up early and goes to bed early like what normal people do.
The normal girl who eats at appropriate breakfast, lunch and dinner timings because that’s the norm.
The normal girl who holds a job down forever and not quit for an adult gap year / semi retirement period because that’s what most normal people do.
The normal girl who goes running during the day and not at late into the night because normal people don’t run so late at night.
The normal girl who listens to everything people (or some people say) says without questioning.
The normal girl who is content to forever content the way life is instead of going against the grain.
Many more examples to state but you get my drift.
Well, in general – I think I’ve been quite normal my whole life actually, till I just felt that there must be more than this provincial life recently. Thanks Belle, thanks Disney. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing lol.
Because sometimes.. normal is boring and sometimes kinda cagey – I mean, have you ever felt like you were being trapped in a cage? In that case, then sometimes I’m perfectly happy NOT being normal if that’s what it is.
Of course there was a trigger which caused this mindset. I call this mindset – growth though. It’s how you learn and grow as a person.
Well that’s what I think now.
Perhaps one day I’ll look back at this post and scoff thinking how silly and naive I was.
Or perhaps in time I’ll appreciate or want to be normal again as I discover that the grass is not greener on the other side as I thought/envision it to be.
Although there is a remote possibility that I’m right after all.
I hope.
And having hope is such a strong emotion. One of the strongest in the world in fact.
Above all, I also hope I won’t regret it – all the actions that I’ve taken so far and the choices I’ve made. For example, like publishing weird ramblings on my blog like this.
If you think about it, it is indeed better to have tried rather than not try anything at all. Although I’ve gotten into a spot of trouble for some of the more impulsive choices lol. On a brighter note, they all make a good story to tell and it’s a learning experience in some way.
That aside, I can feel their frustration though when they ask me this question. Only two people – ironically the two people, one that I used to hold dear and close to my heart and the other, a very important person asked this of me. Although the former was phrased in a different manner, it was more of “Why don’t you listen to me?”. Mm the latter also asked me the same thing actually, lol.
I don’t know. It could also be that internal rebel streak in me that rears its head up when someone were to ask me that question haha. Indeed, I’m a rebel at heart at times. A square that cannot fit into that perfect circle because there’s no such thing as perfection. The best I can be is an oval lol. Can’t say I don’t try. I do most of the time; but it’s tiring to keep up sometimes.
At the end of the day, I really wish I could say I’m sorry for not being normal. But you know what?
I’m not really all that sorry.
In fact, I really like being who I am now. Or at least am growing to become.
Being not TOO normal.
And proudly, that quirky oddball and perhaps, a slight rebel at heart.
I’m still figuring it out this part actually. But that’s what life is all about isn’t it? Sometimes it’s not too clear cut. I’m fickle minded with mood swings sometimes. A constant surprise.
Well, at least fully embracing this quirky-ness of mine and rebel heart for this one year and then back to normal rat race the next. My tiny, tiny act / bit of defiance or rebellion in this big world.
That’s the plan at least lol. But really, who knows what could happen next? Sometimes, indeed – the future is not set in stone afterall. And a plan is just a plan right? Lol, I’m learning to get past that. Still learning. Some habits are ingrained though, but you can still try.
And yeah, that’s pretty much it for this random post.
Till then, see ya on my socials! I update it everyday (:
Written on: 15 May 2018
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