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A Reminder to Choose Joy Everyday – 12 June 2018

Recently been evaluating my flaws – or to be exact, the pros and cons of myself. And that’s kinda what I did the ENTIRE morning for a couple of hours. Lol, it was a hell of a long list of cons and I couldn’t even write anything positive about myself and that made me feel kinda sad. And yes, it IS sad because we all have wonderful traits that we can’t see in ourselves sometimes because we are so blinded by the negativity.

Even writing down the positive pros becomes a double edged one because I could put it in the negative cons as well so I actually have like repeats of the same trait in both columns lol!

Source: smallbiztrends

It’s a Virgo trait perhaps – hence, I am a very, very, VERY harsh critic especially to myself if I feel that I fail in something because I tend to hold myself up to a very high standard. Not that perfectionist standard that I used to have but still pretty high lol.

I did something similar last year around the same time and lol, that list was even longer I think hahaha. But looking at them – I really didn’t like who I was then and I set my mind up to change some of those traits (yes note that I said SOME). Many people will say that it’s an impossible task but I believe that a person CAN change for the better. It’s all about mindset, time and pure determination to commit to that change.

Looking back, I know for a fact that I’ve improved and changed from then to a better Daphne V1.0 perhaps LOL.

However, a lesson learnt recently is that when I’m unhappy – I revert back to some of my old bad habits because they CAN be triggered and I become that not so nice person aka Daphne V0.0 which I dislike myself as well. Speaking of which, it’s AWFUL to not like yourself.

Shaking that off, I guess it’s time for me to rebuild back that positive vibe and energy – the #mitsuekihappypill thing instead of indulging in a pity party like what I’m kinda doing right now. I’ve held so many solo pity parties and dragged in my friends as well to my pity party too last year till I realized how fruitless it is. And I can tell you that it’s a waste of time. It’s fine to indulge in it once or twice but DON’T get stuck or you’ll never get out of it and it will be an endless circle.

You can. You will.

Img Source: The Daily Distraction

I did it once and I’m going to do it AGAIN. This time – better equipped and prepared. And I know I can because well, I’ve done it before and I WILL do it again. Uh time to rebuild fine-tune a Daphne V2.0? Lol

To be honest, it’s really good to do such self reflection and evaluation every now and then – and get feedback as well to see how you can improve for the better. This is because you shouldn’t be the person that you were yesterday or the day before – but a better person each and everyday.

I’m thankful I have the time right now during my adult gap year aka #projectmitsueki to work on myself and focus on my own self development. So very thankful. And this is one of the reasons why I quit my job as well. Of course, there’s the downside when the bills come in and you start racking up all those expenses and such – #adulting but it’s worth it.

Previously I was lucky too, I had to take urgent leave off work last year to take care of myself and my manager was very understanding. There was no way I could have worked back then. I was an absolute mess going through a breakdown, meltdown whatever you call it. Woah it was some bad shit and well, look at me now! Better la, not the best but never will I allow myself to reach that state again~ 😁

I’m also glad I wrote down my thoughts and feelings in my physical diary previously. Cos I can look back at them and see how much I’ve grown and what I committed myself to changing. It’s also a nice reminder for me because for awhile there, I forgot that I had chosen to choose joy everyday since 16 July 2017!

Except this time, I guess I’m doing the same thing but writing about what I am doing openly and publicly on my blog aka online diary instead.

In a way, some may think I’m nuts for sharing all of these thoughts publicly and not anonymous but I know alot of people can relate to this. I myself, when I was unhappy and was suffering from that bout of blues that I couldn’t get out of back then in 2017 – one of the ways was to read the blogs and articles of people who were open to sharing all of these things that they go through in life (esp those in the same situation as me) and that made me feel less alone. They were really really brave to put themselves out there and it’s an absolutely amazing thing that they have done – I know I benefited so much from reading their stories!

So, in a way by writing this, I’m giving back the same way – and I’m telling you’re not alone. We are all human after all. We all have feelings and it’s not wrong. Not at all. Also.. as humans, we are not infallible. We all make mistakes and that’s okay. It’s what we do after that matters more.

Of course I don’t know if writing my thoughts or these ramblings will benefit anyone but I sure hope so.

Also, writing really helps ME as a form of therapy. It’s the best form for me to express myself personally. I feel released and I feel that I’ve gained more insight about myself to be better person and also perhaps learn to spot negative patterns(:

Previously I wrote everyday in that gratitude diary of mine for at least 100+ days last year – until I didn’t need it anymore because I managed to condition my mind in a way to always look to the positive side of things. Then I moved on to this blog and restarted it as a personal diary of sorts cos I personally enjoy writing about my day. Mm but thinking back now, perhaps it’s time to bring out that gratitude diary to write in it again once more lol. I’m out of practice maybe? 😂

Most importantly, I guess my biggest takeaway recently is to try to realize the triggers that make you unhappy/frustrated, voice it out and not let it fester/build up because all of this unhappiness building up in you will explode and KA-BOOM => the awful, vile toxic being in you becomes unleashed (again)!

Lol yes, I know I am being over melodramatic as always cos I’m that #dramaqueen but you get my point. Hahahhaha! Yeah but anyway, it’s unpleasant. Lol still.. that’s the best description that I can come up with now 😂

Though sometimes, I also realize that maybe you’re not to blame 100% because maybe..maybe the person isn’t truly listening which is what causes the festering. Ah yes, communication is really really very essential in life!

And yeah.. that’s pretty much it for today! Other mundane stuff include:

Caifan lunch and mangoes from my mom (hurhur), am so thankful!

Stumbled on this LinkedIn article which mentioned me written by Timothy Ho from Dollarsandsense and I’m utterly humbled that he considers me as his favourite lifestyle blogger. Truly an honor – be it from him OR any readers of my blog. Thank you 🙏🙏🙇🙇 You can read his article HERE!

Insurance premiums were due. Another hole in the pocket – though luckily it’s deducted from Medisave!

Back to writing first! Have a whole backlog of posts due AND emails to respond to (feels like I’m back at work)..do give me awhile while I sort things out as I haven’t been looking at my emails for the last few days.. 😭 I’m still clearing so please be patient with me on my slow replies ><

Salad dinner!

As always, thanks for reading my random ramblings daily if you do!(:

Ending off with my not bare face (sorry with a photo filter though HAHHAHAH) just to remind myself that I look okay despite those hereditary dark eye circles. Heh. Trust me usually it looks like I’ve been punched in the eyes generally and it’s not because I lack sleep LOL 🐼

At the end of the day – it all always begins with loving and accepting yourself first.

I’m trying. Lol 😊❤😁

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Till later,
♥ mitsueki

Author: mitsueki's Blog

mitsueki's Blog

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